I Walk In This World

As Christmas is almost upon us, and I sit here surrounded by holiday music, evergreen scented candles, ceramic snowmen, a beautiful decorated tree, and lots of family, I am ever aware of my mom not being here for it all.

It’s hard to tell, when you’ve lost your parent, which time of year, which holiday, which random summer evening, which cold winter morning is the one where you miss her most of all.

Right now, for me, in spite of much joy that life has, and does, offer me, I find Christmas to be very bittersweet. 

Mom was great at it. 

And I miss that.

I genuinely look forward to the passing of the holiday and the upcoming New Year.  I like the blank slate of January and February days without special moments and events.  Perhaps most of all.

I mean, I guess there’s a president’s holiday in there somewhere, but Mom and I never really celebrated that…

Love you Mom.

Erin

♪♪ Momma said knock you out, I’M gonna knock you out.  ♪♪

Don’t be a Fool YO.  I will Fuck.You.Up.  Jack.YO.Ass.

With Hillary looking for her 9mm, Daddy and I were in hysterics!  My aunt sent this xmas gift for Miss Hillary and while I think it’s supposed to be cute, I am certain it only enhances Hillary’s Gangsta. 

Gettin her in her Hood.

JesusChrist youfuckers. 

LOVE HER

Because our life is in holiday shambles (seriously, WHY do we go thru this shit every year….I guess it’s fun at some point, but I haven’t slept the past 2 nights), for dinner, we pulled out a brokeass container of chili from the freezer.  And by brokeass, I am referencing the inch-thick layer of freezer burn atop the mess.

Turns out, either I was too tired to care or chili holds up a-ok in the freezer.  For a year.

• brokeass, freezer-burnt bean chili
• supersize me salad with walnuts, feta, and olive oil vinaigrette

Last week, I got a holiday gift pack of goodies from my friends at Musselman’s!  This little dude made it into my lunch satchel today.  Thanks Musselman’s!

I dunno.  Sometime in the last few days I made this shit down here.  Homemade holidays gifts b/c we are broke as a joke.

Cinnamon sugar nuts.

Heh…nuts.

Chocolate bark with nuts.  Heh heh.  Dirty mind.

Look at these gay bags I got.  And I have gay friends.  I love them.  This is not a slur.  Sometimes I just need to use the word gay to be an asshole.

But I’m not ALL bad…

Don’t you seriously just want to curl up and die when you see how fuckingcute she is??????????

So as the IWITW household jingles its jolly ass into Christmas, I leave you with this important message. 

If you have pets, you MUST give them Wrapped presents at the holidays.  Because they will know if you don’t.  And be sad.

Love, Hillary’s Mummy and Daddy.

P.S.  I have to get dressed for work now.  And by dressed, I mean doing lunges in my closet to get my pants on. 

Does anyone know if I can prep a lasagna tonight, throw it in the fridge over night, and bake it tomorrow without culturing massive quantities of bacteria or something equally gross?

Oh.  The recipe has egg in it.

And whilst I type this, I have raw egg sloozing down my sweatpants.  I am not shitting you.  I am just THAT klassy.

And you know WHAT.

It’s not even like lasagna is THAT good.

Ok.  I’m lying.

It’s awesome and gooey with cheese and sauce.  And it makes you fat with warm belly glee. 

But is any meal really worth worrying about poisoning my family with trichinosis or botulism or whateverthefuck happens when egg sits Out Over Night? 

And all that layering. 

Layer.

Layer.

Layer.

HATE!

I work all day and don’t have time to assemble AND bake a lasagna after work Friday night for my sister’s birthday party.  Of course.  I put this pressure on myself.  No one ASKED me to do this.  I’m just psychotic.  Or masochistic.  Or whatever –cistic

Obviously.

OhmyChrist. 

Erin. 

Just buy the frozen stuff and call it yours.  THIS is what a sensible woman would do.

<——–is not sensible

<———ends up hating her kitchen

I slammed not 1 but 3 utensil drawers tonight.  I open a drawer, right.  And I EXPECT that the utensil I Need is in there.

Stupid goddamn new house.  I don’t know where my own kitchen stuff is.  So when I’m emptying a jar making homemade sauce in a pot, and need to stir it, I open the nearest drawer and expect that there SHOULD be the appropriate tool in there for me to stir with.

Hello salad spoons and a wire whisk.

Fuck.

So while I’m dripping sauce all over the stove, I’m also taking Perfect pictures so y’all think I’m Bettyfucking Crocker in the kitchen.

Ensemble One = Veggie lasagna

Ensemble Two = Meat lasagna (from grass-fed, free range, antibiotic-free, hormone-free cows).  See.  Even women who curse have ethics.

Ok.  I am kinda Betty Crocker. 

With a potty mouth and drinking problem.  And the world’s cutest dog on the face of this planet and I make you all jealous and you wish you had her.

Clearly.

Oh.  Also.  I’ve worked close to 20 hours overtime this week.  So just be like Dick Cheney and Shoot me in the face.

I think I had dinner tonight.  If so, it probably looked like this:

• crockpot buffalo chicken on wild rice that my husband assembled
• salad with lots of good shit in it
• if I knew what was good for me I’da just had 1 glass of wine

P.S.  You’ve proabably noticed a shift in my blogging of late.  I’m thru with being PC and blogging with my filter on.  This is my site for shit’s sake.  I curse, a lot.  I put truckers to shame.  So.  If cursing isn’t your particular brand of vodka, then head on over to some other blogs.  I own this site.  I shall say what I like, when I like.

Kthxbye.

P.P.S.

I’m A Ninja.

Happy birthday to my pretty pretty sister!!!!!!!